Lonely sad pensive frustrated woman sitting in a cafe

16 Ways Self-Love Advice Can Backfire

Self-love is not about being selfish or narcissistic; rather, it is about treating oneself with kindness and compassion, just as one would treat a dear friend or loved one.

Recognizing the importance of self-love is undoubtedly essential, yet not all advice aimed at fostering it proves to be constructive or conducive to one’s overall well-being—sometimes even leading to toxic positivity. At times, well-intentioned recommendations that seem promising on the surface can, in reality, carry potential risks to one’s mental health and self-esteem.

Self-love requires a delicate balance of nurturing ourselves without heading down an unintentional road of self-destruction.

1. Be Who You Are

Beautiful woman smiling and waving her hands to her friends
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

While we have heard this advice often, sometimes, it is good and healthy to change for others in a good way.

While embracing who we are (flaws and all) is good, that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement. People who love you most will be willing to support you and help you become the best version of yourself by pointing out what you need to change (offering advice, not just constant criticism).

Ultimately, being who you are is only good advice if you’re a “good” person. We all have room to make improvements and if done with the right intentions and in a healthy manner, it can be an important part of self-love.

2. Positive Vibes Only

Lovely woman saying hi while pulling a bicycle in the town
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Staying positive during difficult times is a lifelong skill, but portraying other emotions aside from happiness is not bad. People will often advise to “stay positive” because they think it’s uplifting, but it’s quite dismissive.

People often get this advice when they voice sadness, frustration, emotional fatigue, anger – basically any other emotion but happiness. While a positive attitude can be helpful in moving forward, so can acknowledging and processing other emotions. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and remember that being positive all the time is not a realistic or healthy expectation.

3. Brutal Honesty

Two women are sitting in cafe and talking
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Honesty is good. Yet, beware of people who are more interested in brutality than honesty. They can be honest without feeling cruel.

People who pretend to be brutally honest for the sake of helping their friends their intentions may not be entirely pure. They might use the guise of honesty to belittle and hurt others, claiming that they’re “just being real.”

Genuine self-love involves accepting yourself for who you are while striving to improve and grow. It’s important to have people in your life who can offer constructive criticism without tearing you down.

4. Live Your Truth

Two women talking at home
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Unfortunately, choosing to “live my truth” can also become another way to invalidate others.

While embracing and being true to your authentic self is important, avoid using this as an excuse to disregard other people’s feelings or opinions. It’s essential to balance self-expression with empathy and consideration for others. Being true to yourself should not come at the expense of hurting others.

5. Ignore The Haters 

shocked worried mad woman say what surprised disgusted
Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com.

Hate is a strong emotion; sometimes, it’s easier to label someone as a hater because of a difference of opinion, even if they come up with sane advice.

Sometimes, “haters” are actually your loved ones trying to warn you of potential pitfalls (MLMs, cults, abusive relationships, etc.) or offer constructive criticism. Instead of automatically tuning them out, consider their perspective and consider their words. It’s important to recognize the difference between genuine concern and malicious hate.

6. Do Whatever Feels Right

Happy beautiful woman in glasses thinking and sitting on cafe
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Life isn’t all about rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, we must do hard things to reach our goals and dreams. Avoiding discomfort and only doing what feels good may not be conducive to growth or long-term happiness.

Finding a balance between pleasure and purpose is important; sometimes, that requires stepping out of our comfort zones.

7. Follow Your Heart

Happy girl hugging herself and looking at camera
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

It’s good to listen to your heart, but following your head is also okay. Sometimes, our emotions can lead us astray and cause us to make decisions that may not be in our best interest. Using logic and intuition when making choices that impact our well-being is important.

Self-love involves making decisions that align with our values and goals, even if they may not always feel good in the moment- whether you’re navigating a relationship, career choices, etc.

8. Guilt is a Wasted Emotion

Disappointed sad woman looking at phone and waiting message or call
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Feeling guilty about taking time for ourselves or setting boundaries is a common struggle in practicing self-love. However, guilt can also be a useful emotion that signals when we need to reevaluate our actions and make necessary changes.

Rather than dismissing feelings of guilt, it’s important to examine where they are coming from and use them as motivation for positive change. Self-love also means recognizing when we need to prioritize our own well-being and not feeling guilty about it.

9. Find a Job You Love

Photo of joyful blonde woman wearing eyeglasses smiling and using laptop
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

There’s no such thing as a perfect job. While finding fulfillment and meaning in our work is important, self-love also involves setting boundaries and not letting our jobs consume our lives. It’s okay to have a job that pays the bills while pursuing hobbies and passions outside of work.

Plus, even the most “ideal” job will be challenging and tough. It’s important to find balance and not put too much pressure on our careers to provide all of our happiness and self-worth.

10. Cut off Anyone That Doesn’t Bring You Peace

Young beautiful woman having quarrel with her friend in the city
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Ghosting someone because of a particularly stressful interaction may not be the healthiest way to handle conflicts. It’s important to communicate and address relationship issues rather than cutting people off without explanation or effort to resolve problems.

On the other hand, someone who is obviously toxic and continuously causing harm to your mental or emotional well-being may be necessary to cut off for your own self-love and growth. It’s important to evaluate the relationships in our lives and determine what is truly beneficial for us rather than blindly following the advice of cutting people off without reason.

Self-love involves setting boundaries and removing toxic people from our lives, but it also means working through conflicts healthily when possible.

11. There is No Wrong Way to Parent

Little boy playing video games with his mom at home
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

This saying needs to be adjusted: there’s no single right way to parent, but there are many wrong ways. Raising children involves a lot of trial and error, but it’s important also to seek guidance and educate ourselves on effective parenting strategies.

Self-love means recognizing that we are not perfect parents, and that’s okay. It also means taking responsibility for our actions and continuously striving to be the best role models for our children. This helps prevent childhood trauma for our kids, that can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms in adulthood.

12. You Only Live Once

group of friends people happy laughing funny circle
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com.

Some people argue that this statement focuses on the wrong part of life. We have only one life, but every day is a new day to start fresh and make positive changes.

It’s important to remember that self-love is a continuous journey, not a one-time achievement. Every moment is an opportunity to practice self-love and make choices that align with our values and goals. We don’t have to live perfectly, but we can strive for progress and growth each day.

Rather than focusing on the fact that we’ll die one day, focusing on making the most of each moment and aligning with our true selves is a more empowering perspective.

13. You Can’t Rely on Anyone But Yourself

woman with a cat on her bed reading happy coffee snuggles
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

While self-reliance is crucial, refusing help or support from others can isolate you and hinder personal connections. Trusting and relying on others (even if it can be scary) can also be an act of self-love, as it allows us to build a supportive community and not carry the weight of everything alone.

Self-love means acknowledging our strengths and abilities while recognizing that it’s okay to ask for help or lean on others at times. Building a strong support system can actually enhance our self-love journey and overall well-being.

14. Equating Self-Care to Products

skincare happy woman applying lotion
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

The consumer market has made some of us believe we need certain beauty products, services, or other items to care for ourselves- when it’s more about awareness and making space.

Self-care is about nourishing our minds, bodies, and souls in a holistic way. It doesn’t have to involve spending money or buying the latest self-care trend. Instead, it’s about creating healthy habits and finding activities that bring us joy and promote self-growth.

15. Discussions of Productivity

Happy woman thinking about future plans, writing list to do in notebook
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

While good self-care may boost productivity thanks to a clearer mind, some people mistakenly equate productivity with self-care. Remembering that self-love and self-care are not just about getting things done or being productive is important.

It’s about taking care of ourselves on a deeper level, even if it means taking breaks and resting when needed. We are not machines; constantly pushing ourselves to be productive can harm our overall well-being. Prioritizing self-love and self-care means finding a healthy balance between productivity and rest.

16. Self-Care Cures All

Beautiful young woman enjoying leisure time at home sitting at her balcony drinking hot tea
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Self-care is a great start but is not a simple solution to mental health issues that need professional help. While self-care can be helpful in managing stress and promoting well-being, it’s important to recognize when we need additional support from therapists or other mental health professionals.

Self-love means being proactive in taking care of our mental and emotional health rather than relying solely on self-care practices as a remedy for more serious mental health concerns.


17 Things That Happen When Someone Stops Drinking

hangover water bottle man feeling sick
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Have you ever wondered what changes you might see in yourself once you put down the glass for good? Deciding to quit drinking, even if you don’t drink “that much,” can be life-changing. 

Studies show that alcohol consumption has been linked to over 200 diseases and around 178000 deaths in the US each year. You’re taking a decisive step towards improving your health and overall well-being by quitting drinking.

17 Things That Happen When Someone Stops Drinking

Is 6 Hours of Sleep Enough? Here’s What Your Body Does On Different Amounts of Sleep 

Tired businesswoman with laptop
Photo Credit: Deposit Photos.

Sleep is a captivating voyage that holds the key to a healthier and more joyful version of yourself. However, how much sleep a person needs differs from one person to another. However, many people ask, is six hours of sleep enough to sustain us throughout the day? To decipher this question, let’s delve into the effects on our bodies when we undergo different durations of rest.

Is 6 Hours of Sleep Enough? Here’s What Your Body Does On Different Amounts of Sleep 

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